Go Steady With Me
by smamibean
Summary: A Tegan and Sara story. Quincest. Don't like it? Don't read it.
1. An Email From My Past

I felt a feeling of emptiness envelope me. I have been feeling this way all the time. It was like there was a hole in me. Expanding in me. Swallowing me from the inside out. It felt like I had no identity. I was no one.

It all started two years ago. I had started this new life. This new life in a totally new area. I didn't know anyone. No one knew me. I had come here in order to discover myself, and I guess in a way, I did.

My phone began to ring. It was my older twin, Tegan. I didn't know if I should answer. I hated lying to her. Ever since Emy left, Tegan was always calling me. I mean who could blame her? I was a mess. I was actually glad she was calling me everyday. She was my last grip of humanity, and I didn't want her to leave. One white lie wouldn't hurt.

"Hello?" I spoke into the phone. I tried to sound cheerful, but even I know I can't lie to my own twin.

"Hey Sara!" Her voice didn't hold any hint of falseness, and it hurt me to think that mine did. "Guess what!"

I couldn't take it. I wanted to sound like her. Happy. "What?"

"So, in about a week and a half, I'm going to L.A. To visit Lindsey, and I want you to come with me. I think it'll be fun. You could use some time away."

It was silent on my end. I was tired. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I should do. What I needed to do. Did I want time away? Did I need time away? "Tegan, I don't know."

"Well, the thing is, is that I already kind of bought your ticket." She sounded sad. It hurt to think of the difference between her voice now and how it sounded when I first answered. It really did hurt, and I would do anything to cheer her up.

"You know what? Tegan, I do need time away. It'll be fun to go with you. Plus, I haven't seen Lindsey in a while. I'll go," Was I making the right choice? I wasn't sure, but what didn't kill me only mad me stronger right?

"Yay! Oh, by the way, I got you a ticket to come out to Vancouver before L.A. You know, just to have some sister time." Her voice was gentle. I knew she didn't want to scare me. Lately, I've been scared by everything. Mostly by love. It was with this fear that I dreaded her next question. I closed my eyes and let myself take a deep breath.

"Sara, are you ok?" I could hear the genuine concern in her voice. Do I lie? Can I lie to her? Tegan had this outstanding ability to tell when I was lying. The one thing that hurt her most is when I lie to her. Could I hurt her again?

"I'm ok," My voice cracked. My lip quivered. I knew she was disappointed. Hell, I was disappointed. That night as I layed in bed, I cried.

I woke up that next morning to a text from Tegan. Flight information. I had forgotten. I didn't want to get out of bed. The plane for Vancouver leaves tomorrow and nine o'clock at night. The thought of getting on the plane made me shiver even though my warm blankets were more than enough in count. Even though I had ridden in them many times, I always dreaded it. I hate flying. I could never get the horrific images of terrible things happening to the plane out of my head. Whether it was snakes or an engine catching on fire or it simply not being able to land, it all frightened me to no end.

I rubbed my red swollen eyes. I had a headache. My tummy was in pain, and I think I had started my period. Evidence that I had fallen asleep crying and that life sucked. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to face reality. I didn't want to face the fact that my girlfriend dumped me, and I was totally alone. I didn't want to face that I had to wash my favorite sheets today. I didn't want to face anything. I didn't want to conquer my fears. I just wanted to stay in bed and dream. I want to dream that none of this happened. That we were still together. Still getting married. That I wasn't about to puke, and that I didn't have to deal with any problems like that I ran out of tampons and I had to wear one of the huge thick pads they send you in the mail to try to get you to buy their products. I wanted to dream about a perfect life and deal with this stuff later.

I stepped under the spray of water. I let it relax my tense muscles. It felt good. I felt better. Water dripped down my body. Covering me in it's protective blanket. I fell over my face. I closed my eyes, letting the water take me away. I dreamt that I was at the lake. Soaking up the sun with my feet in the water. Watching all the little kids. Seeing them happy made me happy. I smiled. This was relaxing. Maybe all I needed was some time by myself. Maybe when I got to Vancouver I would go to my favorite lake. Maybe.

I grabbed my laptop from my bedside table. My shirt stuck to my wet skin, and my hair was still dripping. I sat at my kitchen table. As it awoke from its slumber I made myself a bowl of cereal. I swore as I saw the empty milk container sitting on my counter, but I didn't care. The shower had calmed me down. Grounded me, and I wanted to stay that way. I ate my cereal dry. I opened my email.

_Sara,_

_I know that we haven't talked in a while, business doesn't count. Well, how are you doing? How do you feel? I'm sorry for all the pain I might've brought you. I truly am sorry. I talked to Tegan and I can't believe any of it. I can't believe that your hurting so much. I'm sorry for what I did, but it needed to be done. I wasn't happy, and you knew that. I knew you did. It had to end. I hope you meet someone. I have. I know, I'm a bitch for telling you that, but you need to know that it's over and that it's time for you to move on. I truly an sorry._

_Goodbye,_

_Emy_

I just stared at the screen. It felt like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest, then stomped on. She moved on. I had hoped that she would regret her decision to leave. That she would come back. This email, it crushed me. It crushed my hopes and dreams. Tears began to fall from my eyes. I didn't feel them coming, but yet again, I haven't felt everything in a long time. My body crumbled little by little and soon I was on the floor. My tears staining the hardwood glossy.

A knock came from my front door.

"Sara," I knew that voice. Tegan. What would she be doing in Montreal?

"Tegan," My voice was as small as I felt. Even though no one was here to witness the email, it felt as if there had been a crowd of one thousand. I was humiliated. She left. Why would she come back? I knew I didn't deserve her, yet, I feel like she deserved me.

"Sara. Let me in." Her voice was serious. I could feel the weight on her shoulders. While I had no one, I was her responsibility. Slowly I got up. I slowly opened my door. There she was. My sister Tegan. She looked stiff. Like she hasn't slept. Her eyes sparkled with concern.

"Oh, Sara," Her voice as soft. Reassuring. She held her arms out. I fell into them. My body began to shake. Sobs broke from me. The tears came freely. She rubbed my back as she whispered soothing words in my ear. She picked me up and took me to the couch. She squeezed me as she set me down on my couch. She ran her fingers through my hair. She knows I love it when people play with my hair. Through her tears I could see her staring at my frame. I was naturally thin, but lately, I haven't been eating well. It was noticeable.

"Sara," She quickly walked into the bathroom. She thought that I didn't see her red eyes. She's wrong.

The smell of coffee woke me up. It filled its nose with it's sweet aroma. My nose was running and I was on my couch. I could hear Tegan softly singing to herself. I slowly walked into the dinning table. She was sitting at my laptop, typing away. She looked up as my stomach growled.

"Hey," Her voice was gentle. It's always gentle near me. I scare easy.

"Tegan," An apology filling my eyes.

"I read the email," Her eyes staring into mine, evaluating my soul. My eyes got wide. I did have an audience. Her lips were carefully chewing at her labret. No expression hung from her eyes. "Let's go to Denny's."

We sat in the airport in Vancouver. I had to admit, I was excited about going to L.A.. L.A. Was a fun place. The people there were great and there was always something to do.

"Sara, I hope you don't mind, but Lindsey's cousin from Fresno will be there. Lindsey wants me to meet her, since you know, she's her only supportive family." Her voice was careful. Very careful.

"I don't," My voice was tired. I hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in two months. While Tegan was in Montreal, I was able to fall asleep, but I always woke up two hours later. Either from crying or having a nightmare of Emy coming back and then leaving again. IT was like a disease, this sick form of insomnia I suffered. I couldn't wait until I could sleep.

"Oh, she's lesbian," Tegan admitted. Her voice smooth. Careful. Pleading. I knew there was a catch. There was always a catch. Always a catch with Tegan.

"You're trying to set me up," My voice was hard as stone. " I can't believe it."

"Sara, don't be mad. I just though maybe you would like to have some fun. This might just be really good for you." Her voice was sad. She was just trying to help me. I remember how hard it was to cheer her up when Jennifer left. She was in such a dark state. She didn't listen. She became rebellious. Always drinking. I wouldn't be that difficult.

"One date. That's it," My voice was hard.

This is strange to believe. I was on that date with Marisol, Lindsey's cousin, and I was actually having fun. I wasn't interested in her, we were exact opposites. Never to last, but she was nice. The friend type. But the important thing was, was that I was having fun. I wasn't thinking about Emy. I was just being myself. I still loved her, but I wasn't hurting. Anywhere. I was smiling.

I felt young. We were at a video game arcade. Tegan gave me rolls of quarters. Lindsey gave Marisol rolls of quarters. They wanted us to have fun. To get to know each other, and we did. We both knew that this was just a one date thing. It wasn't going to end in sex. We would exchange emails, but just to know how each others doing. My two year relationship with Emy had just ended. Her relationship with her ex-girlfriend of five years just ended. We knew where each other stood. We knew where we stood. We both knew that we wanted to believe that we needed our ex's to survive, and we knew that we didn't need them. We both left L.A. smiling, knowing that we were strong, and that there was someone else out there for us.


	2. I'm Ready To Love Again

I stared at the sidewalk. We were all standing around Lindsey's blue Corolla. When I say we, I mean Lindsey, Tegan and I. The sun was brightly shining on us. It warmed me up, making my legs sweat underneath the thick denim of my black skinny jeans. Little specks on the walk sparkled. I was mesmerized by it's simple beauty.

"Linds," I heard the flirty tone of my sisters voice float over the airport traffic.

"Tegan," Lindsey's voice matched Tegans. They were a lovesick couple. It was cute, but yet disgusting.

"Sara," My head turned to the source of my name. Tegan was looking at me. Her look was careful. I knew what was coming. This always happened every time they had to say goodbye. They would sneak off and enjoy each others company one last time. "Wait for me right inside the doors. I might be a while."

I didn't know how to feel as Tegan climbed into the backseat of Lindsey's car. Lindsey followed Tegan with a wide grin set on her face. Part of me was happy for Tegan. Part of me was jealous. I wanted love. I wanted that kind of love. The love where it's fun. There's no dull moments. The love where in the end, we just love each other and would do anything for the other. I dreamed of the day that I would find it as I sat down inside the door, opening to the first page of my new book.

Tegan

"Lindsey," My voice was airy. I couldn't catch my breath. I didn't want to. Catching my breath would mean I was able to think. And if I began to think, I would realize how wrong this is. My heart broken sister was waiting for me in the airport. With Emy being her ex girlfriend, it's probably been awhile since she got laid.

"Tegan," Lindsey's voice was husky. I looked down into her hazy chocolate eyes. Saw how heavy she was breathing. Felt her fingers enter me. I forgot everything that I was thinking before. Forgot about Sara.

Bitch, call me a whore. I don't give a fuck.

Sara

I had been staring at the first page of Amazing Grace for the past fifteen minutes. I was thinking about Tegan. I was thinking about them together. How much they love each other How much I miss my past relationships. How much I want them back. How much I'm looking forward to my next one. How much I long for love.

"Sara," I was snapped out of my love trance. Tegan rushed over to me. Her skin was glowing. Her cheeks rosy. There was a certain twinkle in her eye. She looked beautiful.

"Tegan," I closed my book. She was bubbly. She was happy. "Ready?"


	3. Oh, Tegan

_The soft touch of warm hands gliding up my back sent goosebumps erupting over my skin. Desire filled my heart. My tongue massaged her smooth pale skin. My lips reached her neck. I gently sucked up her skin in between my teeth. I lightly closed my teeth over it. A low moan left her body. My sucking became erratic. I licked at the love mark I left, moaning as her hands pushed and pulled at my belt._

I straddled her. Rubbing into her with myself. Her moans rose in volume. "Sara....."

I slipped off my shirt. My hand rose. Her fingers tracing over my torso. Pulling at my black lacy bra. I stuck one of my fingers in my mouth, gently sucking in it. I moaned as I felt her eyes travel down my body. I gasped as one of her hands creped up under my bra, massaging my breast. I ran my wet finger down her torso stopping at her belly button. It swirled glistening circles around it. Her hands worked on my belt.

"Oh, Tegan, " I moaned.

I woke up in a start. My eyes were wide. My breathing was heavier that one thousand bricks. Sweat covered every inch of my petite body.

"Tegan?" I whispered. Trying to make sense of my dream. Oh, Jesus. My middle ached, my heart was on fire. I needed a release. I needed a shower. Maybe I needed padded walls, medication? I mean, I had just dreamt of my sister in a dirty way and liked it.

Tegan

I couldn't let anybody know about my dirty little secret. I shouldn't feel this way. She's my twin sister. I shouldn't love her. I shouldn't want to kiss her every time I see her. I shouldn't want to hold her until she falls asleep. I shouldn't feel this way. I can't feel this way. I can't, it's wrong. It's dirty, but it just feels so right.

I've been living with this secret for years. It was ever since Sara and I were 16. Sara had broken her bed frame and ripped her mattress She had been forced to sleep in my bed until my mother was able to buy her a new bed. A broken bed? Well, you may not know this, but Sara, she's a wild child and not even close to being a saint.

Sara

I sat in my bathtub. My arms hugging my knees. The warm water soothed me. The strawberry scented bubbles tickled my nose. I stared at the faucet. Tears began to leak from my eyes.

"What the fuck god?!" I was angry. I never talked to myself. "Do you think this is fucking funny?!"

My nose began to run. I smudged my tears against my cheek with my sudsy hands. As I was learning how to hold back my memories of Emy, I had to fall in love with the one person I can't have? "Are you fucking kidding me?" I was sobbing.

I sat there and cried until the bubbles died and the water became frigid. I couldn't believe this. I hated my life, but I was in love with my very own twin sister.


	4. For Once, I am Courage Filled

I stared up at the ceiling. It was lit up by the sun spilling through my half open curtains. Shadows of leaves danced a fiery, passionate dance with the summer wind. My mind followed the dancing figures. If Tegan and I were to dance, where would we dance? In the privacy of own own homes? In a club with our friends? Us secretly pressed together, dancing with other people, so as to not give us away. Would we look at each other when our bodies were pressed against someone else's? Our eye's hooked on our moving bodies, doing things that would send each other wild? Would our breathing be heavy? Would we sneak off to a secret hiding spot and make love until the sun came up?

Or would we dance at home, to a slow song. Just taking each other in, filling the air with love. Would sweet comments fill the air? 'You look beautiful' and 'I love you', would sayings to those extents move us to share sweet kisses? Our eyes stuck on each others? Would our hearts swell with pride as we twirled each other around my living room, still in our pajamas, or underwear, with our hair in a mess and eyes glassy? I closed my eyes and imagined the peaceful scene. Us becoming one as, as the song came to an end, we lowered our selves to the floor and shared the sweetest kiss. Full of love and desire. Wishes and dreams. Want and need filling our skins as our arms wrapped around each other. Our only goals, being to just to fill the other with happiness.

A small smile flirted its way onto my face, but then vanished. I don't know who I was kidding. There was no chance she loved me. No chance that she was thinking the same thing as me. Well, maybe there was. Tegan and I have always been close. Closer than most siblings. I needed to talk to her. I needed to find a solution. I needed to find a way to end this one sided love. I wanted to make it a two sided love. I was going to tell Tegan. Let her know, tell her about my feelings. I picked up my phone.

I didn't think about how she would react. This brand new sense of courage took over me. I didn't care if she hated me afterward. I just had to know that I did everything that I could to make this work. Make me happy. Maybe, just maybe make both of us happy.


	5. All This Pain, It Has Been Replaced

"Sara," Tegan's voice was questioning. I could hear the sleep in her eyes. I had forgotten about the time difference.

"Tegan," Tears began to flood my eyes. My breathing was loud. My heart beat rocked my whole body.

"Sara! What's wrong?" I could hear her panicking. Bed springs could be heard as she sat up.

"I don't care if you hate me..." I trailed off. I was sobbing. I was a mess.

"Sara! What's wrong?!" She sounded desperate.

"You need to know. You deserve to know," My words were barely comprehensible.

"Please. Please tell me whats going on," I could hear the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"Tegan. I need to know that I tried to be happy. I don't want to hurt you or make you angry, but you need to know."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!!" She began to cry.

"Tegan," I wanted to say it. I had to say it, but it just didn't want to come out.

"Sara," Her voice was demanding.

"I love you," My voice was soft. Uncertain.

"I love you too," Her voice was calm.

"No. I **love** you! More than I should. So much, it hurts." My nose was running. I was the definition of an emotional mess.

"Sara, I love you too." Her voice was airy. She was breathless.

"Don't lie. It won't help things." I was pleading. I was desperate.

"Sara. Believe me. I'm not lying." She was pleading. She was desperate. I didn't know if I should believe her. I wanted to, but there was a sad little part of me that didn't think I deserved to be loved. It thought that me loving Tegan was sick. That I was crazy. That I needed help. That part wanted Tegan to be lying. To hate me. Just so I could suffer.

"Please, don't toy with me," I hung up the phone. I laid on the floor and cried.

_Sara, please don't do anything stupid. I'm going over there. I love you. I wasn't lying._

I stared at the screen. Tegan really did love me. She was coming here. To Montreal. Could I handle it? Could I handle just possible being the happiest I've ever been? Could I handle possible rejection once she's realized how wrong it is? I know for sure that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

A knock interrupted my movie. Slowly, I got up hitting pause on my remote. I ran my hand through my wet hair. I looked down at my jammies wishing I had changed into street clothes after getting out of my shower. I tried to remember how to breathe as I opened the door. There she was. She was bent over. Her hands rested atop of her knees. Her breathing was heavy.

"Tegan?" She slowly lifted her head. I stared at her erratic chest. "Why?"

"Traffic... carried bag... ran...wanted to see you," Tegan stood up fully. Her breathing was better, close to perfect. A thin sheet of sweat covered her. She looked beautiful. " I wanted to let you know that I really do love you."

With her foot, she pushed her carry across the floor behind me. She reached out and softly placed her hand on my chest. I looked down at her hand. Right above my heart. My light brown eyes traveled up her arm. Taking in her muscles and tattoos. I looked into her soft eyes. Jumped as she closed the door behind her. When did she get so close?

"Sara," Her voice was quiet as she pressed her soft lips against mine. All my pain, my confusion, was gone. Love replaced it. My heart swelled. My organs caught on fire. A new me woke up. She was courageous. She wrapped her arms around her sisters waist. Stroked her neck and licked her sisters lip. The new me knew what she wanted and they both knew she was destined to get it.


	6. It's Deffinently Not The Pizza Guy

"Is this why you've been so distant lately?" Tegan's lips were at my ear. Her lips trailed down towards my collar bone. A secret fetish of mine. Light bites crawled along the slender bone as it lightly poked through my thin skin.

"What? Me secretly being in love with you?" I murmured into her hair. I tugged her shirt off of her muscular body. I gently pushed her against the wall opposite us. Above our head hung pictures of us when we were younger. Our mother's smiling face spread guilt through me, but as soon as my eyes made contact with Tegan's, I kissed her full on the lips. The picture of my mother's disapproving eyes left in a flash, and so did the guilt.

"Ye-s" Her voice cracked as my lips discovered the newly unveiled flesh of her abs. My fingers traced minuscule designs on her hips. My lips found the beginning of her jean clad lower half. Her small hand tangled itself in the soft strands of my hair.

"I think it was the sexual tension," The words left my mouth easily. They fell out onto her soft skin. They were paint. Tainting her forever. She now knew another way in which i needed her.

"Ohhh my, Godd," Her voice was low and husky. Her free hand reached out, seeking for any support system she could find. Her knees gave a soft buckle as she realized there wasn't anything she could grab onto. I quickly unbuckled her studded belt, gently pulling it out as I sucked on a piece of her bare shoulder.

My numb fingers fumbled with the star shaped button on her jeans. Finally it was out of it's home and her zipper was easily unzipped. My name escaped from her mouth. It was whiny, needy. Her breath hitched as I softly rubbed her.

"Say my name again," My lips were on her ear. My fingers inside of her. The look on her face told her I was bringing her pleasure.

"Oh, Saraa," Her voice cracked on the 'r'. My thumb pressed against her magic button as my first two fingers slowly moved in and out of her tight body. Suddenly, I pulled out. "Oh, my."

"Don't cum just yet," My voice was teasing, torturing to her. A low moan escaped my lips as my eyes spotted the wet patch in the crotch of her jeans. With out skipping a heart beat I pressed my hungry lips against hers. It was a battle of teeth and tongue. Our hips touched as thighs and knees rubbed against unmentionable places. I hooked my fingers through her belt looks and pulled her into the kitchen, not once breaking our contact.

Tegan

Her hands led me to her kitchen, right against her stainless steel refrigerator. It's freezing surface made me gasp.

Her mouth peppered flaming kisses all over my cool skin. The difference in temperatures was exotic. My heart began to race as her lips trailed lower, to more sensitive places. My hands reached for her. All I wanted was to make contact with her as she slowly pulled off my jeans and underwear. In one motion they were off. I was all exposed, sans my breasts. My bra was left on as her lips hurried past it.

"Tegan," Her voice was strong. There was traces of want in it, and I knew what would drive her crazy. All of my thoughts left my mind as words escaped her mouth. "Your fucking **soaked**."

Sara's voice was delicate like cashmere. It was strong. It was sexy, every word that left her mouth drove me crazy. I wanted to tell her that.

"Nmph," My voice was muffled as I bite my hand trying to muffle the screams threatening to spill from my lips. Her fingers were back inside of me. Her tongue was poking, licking my sweet spots. She began to suck as i began to throb. I grabbed onto the refrigerator handle as electricity bolts began to surge through my body.

"Get on the counter," Her voice was firm. Sexy. I was so close to going over the top. My body shook as I tried pulling my self onto the granite counter tops. Sara did nothing to help. Her movements began to quicken as I was finally about to sit up.

Warm swirls of pleasure cartwheeled from my toes to my scalp. Electricity shot through me, stabbing at my heart. My heart was beating faster than ever before, as my breathing got heavier and heavier. Louder and louder came my moans. I gave up trying to hush myself. I knew the louder I got, the hotter Sara got. The more needy she became, the kinkier she became.

"Sara!" My voice was loud. It surprised me. It was deeper. It was rougher. I rested my head on the cabinets behind me. My breathing began to normalize. My heart slowed down. I gasped as the electricity was still pushing through me. I felt good. Satisfied. You know what, I felt like I was on cloud nine. This was definitely the best I've ever had.

Sara

I rested my hands lightly on Tegan's knees. She was covered in sweet. Her pupils dilated. Her chest was slowing down. She parted her lips.

"Sara," I loved the way my name rolled of her tongue. She lightly pressed her lips to mine. It was a sweet kiss. Full of devotion. "Thank you for making me feel so good."

She sent a wink my way. Suddenly my middle caught on fire as if to remind me of it's existence. She lightly bit my lip knowing that I was staring. My body burned as I began to think of what she could do with them. I again pressed my lips to hers. I was hungry, and only she could feed me.

"Fuck me," Those words slipped out as her lips began an assault on my neck. Her hands slipped under my shirt. Goose bumps erupted over my skin as her cold fingers traced letters on my skin. I reached over us. I grabbed at the decorative handle on the sweetly carved cabinet doors. I felt her tug at my shirt. Just as I reached down to aid her, the door bell rang.

"Fuck!" Tegan's voice was irritated.

I sighed. " I think it's the pizza guy. I ordered some pizza and pasta before you got here. I have nothing in my fridge. I'm coming!"

She let go of my shirt. "You would be if they didn't interrupt us. Do you really have to answer it?" She sounded like a little kid. I dragged her out of the kitchen grabbing her pants for her.

"Yes. I'm hungry." I grabbed my wallet from my coffee table.

"You just ate," Her hand slipped to my behind.

"Tegan," My voice was airy. "Wait for me in my room. I'll come get you when I'm done."

We shared a passionate kiss, before she disappeared and I opened the door. Lightly it swung open.

"Hello Sara," My heart stopped. It wasn't the delivery guy. "Sorry to drop by unannounced, but I had to enter the area for work, so i decided to stop by."

On the outside I was calm. In the inside I was a mess. I was trying to find my breath and my heart was beating too heavy. "Oh, no. It's fine. Come in Lindsey."

There in front of me was Tegan's girlfriend of over a year.

Fuck my life.


	7. Bad Romance

"Come in," I ushered Lindsey inside. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what Tegan was going to do. I hoped that she would stay inside my room. The air was warm. I was sweaty. My breathing still beyond control. I knew my hair was a mess. I could feel my dilated pupils as I blinked my heavy eye lids.

"I hope I'm not interrupting something," Lindsey's eyes were bright. Her eyebrows were raised. She knew some one was here. She knows she interrupted something. Her eyes weren't lying.

"No. No your not," Liar. My eyes widened as I spotted a pair of panties by the couch. They were black with a little red bow on the front. They were Tegan's. My heart stopped. Tegan was always looking to embarrass me. I was almost positive, that was her main goal in life. I slowly walked towards the couch. "Come sit down."

I was a head of her. I sat down on the leather couches. My foot gently pushed the panties under the sofa. Lindsey's eyes stared at my foot. I never was a sly woman. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Oh, yes," The corners of her lips lifted slightly. Her eyes still twinkled. She knew everything. I hoped she didn't know that the woman was Tegan. "May I have some water please?"

"Oh, sure," I slowly got up. My eyes widened. What if she followed me? "I'll be right back."

I stepped into the kitchen. It was a mess, the counter was dirty. I liked that. There was a pot on the floor next to some wooden spoons. For the sake of everything, I couldn't remember them clashing to the floor. The refrigerator door was gleaming and not just from it's stainless steel finish. I pulled it open, it's handle sticky.

I returned into the living room. Handing her the bottle. "So, who is the lucky lady?"

Curiosity always kills the rat, but I would save Lindsey this time.

"If I told you who, you wouldn't believe me," I wasn't going to lie to her, yet there was no way the truth was coming out do easily.

"Ooh. Some one way out of your league?" Her smile was contagious. If only she knew that I was just fucking her girlfriend. Her smile would slide right off of her face.

"Not necessarily. Just, you really wouldn't believe me," A slight yawn escaped from my mouth. My mind was spinning as I heard a door close and a soft but noticeable rustle coming from my room. My heart was beating in my eyes. The next ten minutes flew by. Before I knew it, I was standing at the door wishing Lindsey a good trip home. The soft click of the door shutting snapped me out of my trance.

"Tegan," My voice was faint as I walked down the hall. I opened the door. Tegan was standing there. Her eyes were closed.

"Sara," Her voice was meek. No trace of emotions filled her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Tegan, what the fuck?" I was angry. I was pissed. I knew that Tegan didn't mean harm. All she wanted was for me to be embarrassed. I knew that I wouldn't have been mad if it was the delivery personnel from Pizza Planet. Frankly, if it was the delivery man, I would've been a little turned on.

"I'm sorry. I really am," Tegan took me into her arms. Together we slowly collapsed onto the floor. My head on her shoulder. My tears staining her sweet, pale skin. "I didn't know it was her. I didn't know that she was even going to be in the area."

Slowly, I began to realize. Tegan's relationship was crumbling to pieces. I had nothing to do with that, yet. Tegan was always the one that suffered bad romances. Her relationships were never ideal. She always chose the wrong one, or maybe it was her partner that chose the wrong love. But the one thing that scared me the most, was that, I really wanted her bad romance.


	8. My Mother Was Always Right

The sheets were cool against my warm sticky skin. The summer sun shone brightly through the slightly open curtains. I blinked my eyes against the light. I pulled the sheet over my head. The smell of sex met my nostrils. Memories from last night filled my brain. Her taste was still on my tongue.

"Sara," I felt a finger lightly tap my sheet covered head.

"Yes, Tegan?" I felt the sheet being pulled back. The intensity of the sun was minimized. All two sets of curtains were pulled shut.

"It's noon," In her hand was a black berry. Her eyes were focused on me. She was in street clothes. Black jeans tightly stretched over her legs. Her button up shirt was fitted. It moved with her curves.

"I don't care," I rubbed at my eyes. Her smile rubbed at my heart. I rolled onto my side. My head propped on my my hand as my elbow lightly dug into the pillow. My mind went on over load. I tried sorting through my feelings for Tegan. I loved her. I lusted for her. I needed her.

"Get up," Her voice was teasing. She was sitting on my bed. Her knees drawn up to her chest.

"No," I reached up for her hand. Lightly I grasped it. Slowly, I rolled onto my back pulling her with me. She rested on my front. Her lips lightly pressed against mine. She pulled away. The corner of her lips turned up as I locked our gazes together. My hands lightly rested on her sides. She dug her face into my neck. My heart jumped as her breath cascaded over me.

Her lips brushed themselves over my neck. Her hand ran its fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes. I was happy.

People have always told me that the feelings you felt at the beginning of a relationship can't be described as love. That it's just an illusion. That you just want to believe that what you feel could be love. That you just want it so much, that you trick yourself into believing that you love them. My mother always told me that you felt what you felt and that love knows no time limit.

With Emy, I knew that I loved her the day after our second date. I had called her and her voice filled me with hope and joy. I never believed that love was for me. She had taught me that every one deserved love. She taught me how to live. How to feel. For that I was grateful. Emy taught me that my mom was right.

Last night, as Tegan held me. She whispered soothing thoughts into my ear. She held me as I cried. She cared for me, even though as I looked into her eyes, I could see the worry she held. The worry for how I would react to life after she left to go home in Vancouver. Worry for Lindsey. Worry for maybe having to choose between two people that she loved the most in life. Even though I noticed that she was living a roller coaster, even though I knew that one day, she would probably break my heart. I still knew that I loved her, and that I was sure of.


	9. Picture Perfect

Tegan

"I wonder if they actually work," Sara's voice was questioning. We were on her love seat recliner. Her head lightly rested on my legs up and tangled together. My fingers lightly played with the soft strands of her hair. Infomercials played on the television. It was a picture perfect moment. "I want a ShamWow."

"I'll get you one someday," Lightly my lips found her head. My feelings for Sara were grand. I was happy. I don't mean to sound cheesy, but I really do feel complete. There's this satisfaction that I feel when I'm with her that no one can give me.

I've been with Lindsey for a year, and I've never felt this way about her. I do love Lindsey, but there was always a part of me that needed something more. I wrapped both of my arms around Sara's small frame.

"Your tiny," I breathed. I had always been the fuller one of the two of us. I have hips and I'm busty. Sara was thin. Her curves were small. Her butt barely existent, her breasts a non-hassle 'B' cup. Her hips slender. A Hollywood body. Picture Perfect.

"I know. I lost weight. I blame stress," She tilted her head up. Her powerful eyes locked gazes with mine. Sara was the in-home editor of a local magazine. When Sara became stressed, she ate very little. Her lips lifted into a slight smile.

"You know," I pressed my hand against hers. Her fingers closed around mine. "When you called and told me that you loved me, I cried."

"Out of happiness, I hope," Sara's voice was teasing.

"Of course out of happiness," I smiled at her. "Sara, I love you. I've loved you for **years**."

My lips found her cheek.

"Oh, Tegan," She smiled. Her eyes were honest. "I love you too."

Her lips found my neck.

I didn't want to bring up the topic of Lindsey. It would hurt her, but even more, it would bring me to pieces. It would hurt me to think about the decisions I would soon have to make.

I didn't want to think about going back to Vancouver. We both knew that I had to leave. Silently we decided to talk about that later. Our lips connected. We both needed to soak up this happiness while we still had the chance.


	10. Nobody Else Will

I sighed as Tegan's hand ran down my arm. My back pressed lightly to her front. Our legs entangled in each others. Tegan softly hummed into my ear.

"Nobody Else Will," My voice came out as a whisper. I've listened to that song a million times.

"Mhm," Tegan nodded against my neck. Her lips lightly pressed a barely there kiss to my hair. Silence enveloped us. It was eight o'clock in the morning. Too early to get out of bed. "I want to do something nice for you."

I slowly rolled over, facing Tegan. I pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "You don't have to."

"But I want to," Her eyes bore into mine. I couldn't say no to those eyes. They were full of honesty. She really wanted to.

"Ok," My forehead touched hers. Her nose rubbed against mine. An Eskimo kiss. My heart skipped a beat. We were so close. "What are you going to do?"

"It's a surprise," Her lips moved against my cheek.

"I don't like surprises," She grinned. She closed the space in between our lips.

"Too bad,"

*

"I need to go to town," Tegan's voice broke the silence. She sat up, her hand holding the sheet to her naked breast. Tegan in her after glow was gorgeous. Her skin glowed, the yellow flecks in her eyes stood out against the brown.

"What for?" My voice was winy. I reached for my shirt. I felt great. My fingers still tingled as I pulled my shirt over my head. I grabbed my pants from the head board above me.

"Supplies for your gift," The bed springs groaned as Tegan stood up. Even they missed the feel of Tegan all over them.

"Ooh, is it kinky?" I bit my lip as I thought about what Tegan could get me. My core began to heat up as I thought about what I could do with them. I began to feel myself grow wet as I thought about what she could do with them on me.

"No," Tegan's eyes glistened as her eyes took in my flushed skin. Her voice was seductive. "Well, maybe."

I lightly moaned. My eyes were closed, my heart pulsing in all the right places.

"Again," Her eyebrow raised. I whimpered as she walked back towards the bed. "Your a whore."

"Please," My voice was breathless. Her warm breath tickled my face as she closed in on me. She stood in front of where I sat on the bed. Her warm mouth pushed against mine. Her tongue dancing with mine. Instinctively, I spread my legs.

"Nuh, huh," Tegan's lips traveled to my ear. "You, my dear, need to learn how to keep your legs closed."

Tegan's warm hands pushed my knees together. My right hand encircled her corresponding wrist. She lightly sat on my lap. My eyes leveled with her mouth. Her lips were glossy from our heated kiss. I tilted my head back, looking into her eyes. Her fingers slowly ran through my hair. Her tongue flicked out licking her lips as she tugged on my hair.

An animalistic growl escaped my throat. Tegan's lips attached to my throat as her fingers pulled through the length of my hair again. She jerked on the edge of my shirt. I lifted my shaky arms above my head. She sighed as it fell to the floor. Her fingers felt me up. Cold fingers tightened around my nipple.

Her mouth sucked up a bit of my neck. Tegan's weight kept me on the bed as I tried raising my hips. I was on fire and I needed my little fire girl to extinguish it, to get me off. Tegan's hands massaged a path to my back. I groaned as her nails dug into my flesh. I arched my back as her nails dragged down my skin leaving it irritated.

"Down girl," Tegan's voice was teasing as I attempted to kiss her. Her hand pushed my chest down. She lifted her weight off of me. Her hands pushing me farther onto the bed. Slowly the sheet that was covering her gorgeous body fell to the floor.

"Like what you see?" Tegan's lips were at my ear. Her breath warm. I let my legs fall open as Tegan sat in between them.

"Yes," My voice was whiny. I held the 's' out. "Oh my godd,"

Slowly, one of Tegan's fingers entered me. I closed my eyes. Pleasure filled me as Tegan pulled my leg over her shoulder. What she did next placed stars in my head.

Her tongue gently pressed against my throbbing button as two fingers entered me. I couldn't describe to you how Tegan made me feel. It was incredible. I felt incredible. It took forever to just regulate my breathing. My heart still pumped blood through be at a quick pace. It wasn't until Tegan was back from town that I was able to function how I did before.

After Tegan left for town I sat there in bed and I cried. Tegan had to go back to Vancouver soon. How was I going to deal once she left? That was a question which answer scared me the most.


	11. Room to Grow

"Do I have to go?" Tegan's hands pulled me towards my front door. Her smile was teasing.

"Yes," She placed a small kiss on my cheek. "I'll call you when you can come back. I should only take like an hour."

I looked into her eyes. I searched to see if there was any chance that she might crack. I tilted my head and slightly parted my lips. I studied her stance. Her legs were shoulder width apart. She wouldn't budge. Her arms on my shoulder. She wanted me to listen to her. Her eyes shone with happiness and love. My voice was small, "May I please know?"

"No. I want it to be a total surprise," Her smile was warm. To be honest, I don't want to know. I want to be surprised. An excited grin spread across Tegan's face. "Oh, I can't wait!"

She pulled the door open slowly as she kissed me. The kiss was slow. It was gentle. It was magical. A soft mumble escaped my lips as I pulled away. "See you later."

*

I was sitting at a small family owned cafe a mere three blocks from my home. My fingers played with a spoon as I watched a group of teenagers sitting on the other side of the cafe. Two were similar is features. My mind predicted that they are family. There was a girl with them. She looked sad. There was a heartbroken glint to her eye. I knew that glint. My eyes used to occupy that same emotion.

I brought the coffee cup up to my lips. I wanted to console her, tell her that in due time she would feel good. Feel alive again, just like I did. But, we were strangers. I've never seen her before in my life. I was in my mid 20's. Who wanted advice from some one older? As teenagers, we naturally believe that we are alone and that no one feels like we feel. That no one could under stand. That was a feeling that we needed. With out it, how could we grow and mature? I let her be as I finished my lukewarm drink.

A soft vibration began in my pocket. I slid my black berry out of the tight pocket. Tegan.

"Hello," My voice was soft. I kept thinking about the girl. I smiled as her friends tried to cheer her up. They were waving their arms around, laughing. I wanted to cry as the corner of her lips turned up into the softest smile.

"Hey," I could hear the smile in her voice. It was contagious. A grin snaked it's way onto my face. "I'm ready for you!"

I was excited. Tegan had been working on my surprise for almost an hour. I couldn't wait to see it. "Ok. I'll be there soon. In like 15 minutes."

Quickly, I left my money at the counter. I ran home.

*

"Tegan?!" I called out as I opened my front door. I softly closed the door. I fumbled with the lock. I jumped as I felt a pair of arms slid around my waist. My voice was shaky. "You scared me,"

"I know," Her chin rested on my shoulder. Her hot breath pushed the hair that covered my ear. She pressed a soft kiss to my neck. "My plane leaves tomorrow night at six o'clock."

"Oh," Her hands massaged my hips as my eyes began to water.

"Sara," She spun me around. Her eyes were sad. Mirror images of mine. She pressed a kiss to my lips. "Let's make the most of our time left together."

Lightly her fingers rubbed the tears off of my face. Her still fingers pressed lightly against my cheeks crumpling up my lips.

"Fishie!" Tegan's voice startled me. I laughed as Tegan pressed her lips against my forehead. She took a step back. She was wearing an apron. It was sprinkled with a bit of flour. "Come on!"

Tegan pulled me into the kitchen. The table was set for two. My fancy china, wine glasses, wine bottle, a rose and two candles.

"This is for you," Tegan pulled a single red rose from a shopping bag. She held it out to me. I took it gently into my arms. I was careful to avoid the thorns. I brought it up to my nose. I breathed in it's musky scent.

"It's beautiful," I smiled at her. I held it up to her nose. I closed my eyes as she sniffed it. "Thank you, Tegan."

"Your welcome," She pulled her apron off as I walked over to the table. I gently stuck the flower into the already occupied vase.

"What's for dinner?" I looked at the plates. It was some sort of pasta with a red sauce.

"Here," Tegan's voice was soothing as she walked over to the table. She held out a seat for me. She picked up my fork and got a piece of the bow tie pasta. She made airplane noises as the fork made contact with my mouth. "Dad used to make us it a lot when we were younger."

I stared at the plate. My lips formed a smile after I swallowed. "It's really good."

"Thank you," She slid into her seat. I stared at her.

"This is really nice. I'm impressed," My smile was warm. Tegan's eyes were caring. Genuine.

Dinner lasted an hour. We talked in between bites. We talked about what Tegan would do once she arrived in Vancouver. We talked about what I would do once she left. We talked about our feelings for each other. Sweet kisses expressed love. We talked about our status. We are together. We talked about Lindsey, Tegan still feels love for her. We talked about Emy. I wasn't sure that I could fully get over her. We both under stood each other.

By the end of the night, our chairs were next to each other. Her arm was wrapped around me. Her fingers traced figure '8's on my arm. Her right hand rested lightly on her thigh as I fed her pieces of the over sized cupcake. As I placed a piece of the chocolaty desert in my mouth, I realized that once Tegan went home, I would be fine. I knew that she loved me. She knew that I loved her. Tegan had promised me that she would never hurt me, and I have trust in her that she never will.

As I kissed the frosting off of her lips, I realized, if absence makes the heart grow stronger, then I am willing to let her go home as long as my love for her, and hers for me, grows. My heart grew warm as she pressed her lips to my forehead. I lightly wrapped my arms around her. I smile as she lightly squeezed me back.


	12. A Dream Come True

"Come on," Tegan slowly got up. She brushed cup cake crumbs from her button up blouse. She was smiling. "There's another part to it."

"There's more?" I grinned. Tegan pulled me to her. Her arms wrapped around my waist.

"Dinner is never enough for the woman I love," She pressed her lips to mine. She slid her cheek against mine. My fingers fiddled with the hair at the base of neck. She gently unlocked my hands from around my neck, enveloping them in hers. "Come on."

I tried to breath as I was being pulled towards my living room. Tegan pulled aside the curtain she had hung up. I gasped at the sight of my living room.

Tegan ushered me into my living room, only it wasn't my living room. It had been decorated. Candles littered hard surfaces. There were blankets folded on my couch. A disco ball hung from my ceiling.

"I know how much you love to dance, and I know society frowns upon us dancing in public," Tegan's voice relaxed me. Dancing. I really loved to dance. I smiled at every thing. Tegan turned on the television to one of the Sirius Radio station.

I wanted to cry. Every thing was so wonderful. The decorations were perfect. The candles. The disco ball. There were even roses littered every where. Tegan had spent time on this. It was perfect. I could see how much she cared about me. She held her arms out to me. I took two timid steps forward. This is was perfect. I didn't want to mess it up. I softly latched myself to her.

We moved softly and freely. We were one. Soft kisses were exchanged. Her arms around my waist. My left hand rested on the back of her neck while the other rested lightly on her heart. It raised and lowered steadily as she breathed in, then out. I could feel her heart beat. In time with mine.

I pressed myself against Tegan. A perfect fit. Our arms wrapped around each other. I rubbed my cheek on hers. I stroked the fine hairs on the back of her head as a soft hum of the beginning of a new song started. I felt my muscles fully relax as a voice joined music notes.

"I love you Sara," I looked into her eyes. My reply was strong.

"I love you too."

_Remember those walls I built  
Well, baby they're tumbling down  
And they didn't even put up a fight  
They didn't even make up a sound _

Tegan hummed along with the singers smooth voice. I rubbed my nose against hers. She responded by tightening her hold around me. I could feel the vibrations in her throat.

"This is perfect," I dug my nose into her shoulder. My voice was muffled. Her hands rubbed slow circles into my back.

_I found a way to let you in  
But I never really had a doubt  
Standing in the light of your halo  
I got my angel now_

Tegan

I kissed her slowly. My fingers snaking through her hair. These past few days, I've found myself. I realized what I needed the most in my life. I knew what I was missing. It was going to hurt to leave. I thought of all the excuses I could give to stay here in Montreal. Here with the woman I love. With my twin sister.

_It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm takin'  
I ain't never gonna shut you out_

I gently backed Sara up until her knees hit her love seat. My lips traveled down her neck. My hands pushed at the collar of her shirt as she fell down onto the sofa.

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace_

"Tegan," Sara's voice was desperate. A sadness filled her eyes. It made my heart grow weak. It was going to kill me to go back to Vancouver. My life was here, yet all my material items were in my own apartment.

I had set up my life in Vancouver. I am a music producer. I have a high rep. Every one knows me there. Every one knows they can trust me with their projects in which they have invested a copious amount of time. I made a steady income. I was always busy.

Was I willing to leave it all? Could I leave it all? I had worked hard so hard for everything I had. Once I was hired, I gave the project my all. I would miss it. It was my life. I had begun my career in that business when I realized I was missing something in my life. I wasn't sure what it was. All I knew was that music filled the void, if even for a little bit.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away_

I slid her shirt off of her thin body. I touched every part of her torso. I wanted to memorize it. Remember how it felt under my finger tips. Her body was a drug that I had become addicted to. With drawls were soon to come once I reached home.

_Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light_

My lips moved. My vocal chords sang my feelings. I **am** addicted to her. She **is** the only one that I want. I had vocalized my true feelings. Of course it **was** in song. It wasn't my lyrics, I had borrowed some one else's words. Some people get mad when you borrow some one else's words. They say your feelings are your feelings and that no one can feel the same way. But, if they fit and they form a phrase that describes exactly how you feel, shouldn't you be allowed to use them?

_I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't forget  
To pull me back to the ground again_

Tears fell from her eyes as she looked at me. I was perched on her lap. My fingers traced stick figures on the space above her breast. Me. Her. A dog. A child. I wanted a life with her. I wanted to take her out on dates. I wanted to hold her hand as we walked through the mall, looking for furniture for our home that we bought together.

My eyes glazed over as I realized what those were. They were wishes. We were twins. Society frowns deeply on incest. If we were to profess our love in front of the world, we would be shunned, outcasts. We could live together. We could take care of pets together. We could shop together. But, we could never go on public dates, hold hands or adopt a child together.

_Feels like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
The risk that I'm takin'  
I'm never gonna shut you out_

"I don't want you to leave," Sara cried. I held her in my arms. My tears fell on her body.

"I don't want to leave," I honestly didn't want to leave. Fuck Vancouver. Fuck work. Fuck society. Fuck it all. I was never going to kick Sara out of my life. I needed her. She needed me. I tiled her face up to mine. I gave all of my love to her in that kiss.

_Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace_

She tugged my shirt off, slipped off my bra. She kissed me as I lightly tugged on her hair. Her kisses were sensual. Light. Loving.

_You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away_

In the dim light, we made love. It was slow, gentle. It was caring. It wasn't about getting off. It was about showing each other how much we really did truly love the other.

As we lay on her couch. Our after glows fresh, we knew that no matter what happened, we had each other. Our 'halos' there to always save and protect the other.

_I can feel your halo._


	13. A Swelling Happiness

My eyes fluttered open as soft kisses were planted on my check. I sighed as my name was called. Tegan's voice cut through the hazy cloud around my head. "Wake up."

"No," My voice was scratchy. I reached our for her. I wrapped her warm body in my thin arms. She cuddled into me. I smiled against the top of her head.

"Come on," She grabbed my hands and pulled me up with her. Our nude bodies pressed against each other. Her smile was wide. "I drew us a bath."

She walked me into the bath room, her eyes never leaving mine. The faint smell of roses filled my nose. Rose pedals covered the floor some lie on top of the wispy bubbles that filled my bath tub. Her lips touched my ear. They smiled against the ticklish flesh. Her warm breath sent an unbelievable sensation down my neck. "A perfect way to end the perfect date."

I smiled as I got into tub. The warm water licked at my skin. I sat against the back of the tub. I watched in awe as Tegan's perfect body settled into the water. She stared into my eyes as I picked up the purple wash cloth that hung off of the edge of the tub. I dipped it into the soapy water. I maneuvered over to Tegan. I rubbed the skin above her breast lightly. Slowly I moved it over to her bicep. I rubbed smooth circles on her arm. She lifted her arm out of the water. Little droplets of water fell from her fingertips.

With my unoccupied hand, I found her other hand in the water. I intertwined our fingers together. I lifted it out of the water. I pressed light kisses to her fingertips as I rubbed at her arm. I held onto her hand as I washed her legs. I pressed a kiss to her lips as I finished washing her back. She kept our kiss going as she washed me. She fiddled with the wash cloth as she released my lips. Hers were bright red and swollen.

I took the soaking cloth from her hands and placed it on the edge of the bath tub. I pulled her close to me. I motioned for her to turn around. I wrapped my arms around her torso as she pressed her back against my front. Her hands lightly rested on my thighs. I kissed the back of her hair. I licked the water from my lips.

"Your beautiful," I whispered to her. I rubbed my hands against her back. She moaned out.

"I'm no where near as beautiful as you," She slowly turned around. Her flips were hovering above mine. "And you can quote me on that."

She closed the gap in between our lips. A few stray tears slipped from my eyes, but for the first time in a while, it was out of pure happiness. A feeling I've only just rediscovered.


	14. She Blew a Kiss Before She Left

"Do you have to go?" I sat on my bed. My knees to my chest. I watched Tegan as she looked around the room. Her eyes scanned for anything that was hers. I fiddled with my nails.

"Yeah. I have to work," She stopped in front of me. She knelt down in front of the bed. Her hands gently pulled my feet to the floor. Her hands rested lightly on my hips. Her finger pressed against my lips as I opened them to speak. "Come on."

She pulled me from the bed. Her fingers laced in mine. She led me into the living room. She motioned to my recliner. Her voice was quite. "Come lay with me."

She pulled me on top of her. Our bodies fit perfectly together. It had to be meant to be. I sighed into her neck as her arms snaked around me. Her lips moved against my temple. Her voice rang through the still air. When she sang the last chord, she pressed her lips against my temple.

"You sing it just as beautiful as he does," My arms held me up as my body hovered above hers. She pressed her lips against mine, pulling me down onto her. It was a simple kiss. It was the love she felt for me in one simple action. I nuzzled my nose into her hair.

"Tell me a story," Her voice was soft just barely breaking above a whisper. I felt her fingertips zigzag around the small of my back. Her cold fingers sent chills up my spine.

"There once was a girl named Tegan," I began. I searched my mind for words. "She had a pet frog named Thumper. "

"A pet frog?" She laughed. Her fingers tangled in mine raising them above us, resting them on the soft leather above our heads.

"A pet frog. You got a problem with that punk?" I balled my fists up bringing them towards my face. I pursed my lips and squinted my eyes. "I'll beat you up!"

"Nope. I have no problem with that at all!" She pressed a kiss to my nose. I wrapped my arms around her wrists, still located above her head.

"Ok. Tegan owned a frog named Thumper. One day, Tegan went to the pet store. She needed to buy Thumper some creepy-crawlies to eat." I stared at the faint freckle on her nose. "There she met the most beautiful girl in the world!"

"Was it Portia de Rossi?" Tegan's eyes lit up. She licked her lips. "She is one babe."

I stared at her. My eyebrow raised. She smiled at me. Little lines formed around her nose. "I'm just kidding."

"In that pet store, Tegan met the most beautiful girl in the world. Her name was Sara!" I smiled a toothy grin. Tegan laughed as I continued with my story. "Tegan got Sara's number and promised to call her the next day. Well, she did call."

I paused letting my words settle in Tegan's mind. She closed her eyes as I continued with my story. "They loved each other until they died. Then, once they were in heaven, they say each other again and were happy. The end!"

"That was cheesy." Tegan's voice broke the strand of silence that came after my last word. Her eyes opened slowly. One corner of her lips drew up, smiling lazily. She broke into a grin at my serious expression. "I'm just kidding."

I sat up. My legs hung off the side of the chair as Tegan put the foot rest down. Her hands cupped my face as she brought me down to her level. Her lips hovered above mine.

"I loved it."

*

The hard plastic of the air port seats dug into my bum. A black bag sat at Tegan's feet. Her fingers fiddled with her slick blackberry pearl. No words escaped us. There were no words able to describe the feelings we felt at that moment. We stood up as the line at security dwindled down. She held her arms out to me. I confidently stepped into them.

"Tell me a story," I whispered into her ear. She gently pulled away. Her eyes bore into mine. She opened her mouth to speak.

"Once upon a time," Her eyes searched my soul. "There was a girl named Tegan. She was very wealthy. She had everything she ever wanted and needed. Then one day, she realized she was in love with her sister."

Tegan picked up her bag. She never broke our eye contact. "She realized that she loved her more than her riches. More than her clothes. More than the castle she lived in. More than the air she breathed."

Tears welled up in my eyes. A single tear slipped from hers. The hand holding her phone shook. "I'll call when I land."

"I'm going to miss you," I bit the inside of my cheek. I tried to breath as another tear fell form her eyes.

"I'll miss you too," She looked at the floor. I reached up. Gently, I rubbed the tears from her cheeks.

"I love you," Her voice was soft.

"I love you too," Mine was even softer. I began to cry as she walked off to security. Once she was through, she looked back. Blew me a kiss and was gone.


	15. A Small, Family Owned Bakery

Tegan

I sighed as I opened my apartment door. I carried my bag in my left hand. I hadn't taken much to Montreal. I didn't need to. Sara was very precise in the way that she was always prepared. She had an extra tooth brush and everything extra you could ever need. I dropped the black duffel bag by my couch. I pulled out my phone as I collapsed onto the soft cushions.

My fingers softly pressed the buttons, punching in a number I knew by heart. My thumb hesitated over the send button. I swiftly moved it pressing clear. I dialed another number. I number I have been neglecting.

"Tegan?" Her soft voice sliced through my ear. I couldn't believe what I was doing to her. In two weeks it would be our one year anniversary. She didn't deserve any of what I was doing.

"Hello baby," I played with a loose thread on my jeans. I smiled as I heard her shuffle around. My heart broke as we talked. When we first began our relationship, I had made one promise to her. A promise I had just broken. I would never stray. I would never touch a woman the way I did with her. I wouldn't hurt her.

We talked for an hour. She told me about how she had been busy for the past week. She told me about how she had visited Sara. She laughed while she told me the story about the pair of black panties by Sara's couch. I giggled along with her. I wanted to die. Tears slid down my face as I hung up with a shaky finger. She didn't deserve this degree of betrayal.

Through my cloudy gaze, I dialed Sara's number. I lost it when she answered. Her voice broke through me. She asked me what was wrong. If I had landed safely. Why I was crying. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a desperate sound.

"I shouldn't have left," My voice was small. I swallowed back a sob as she tried shushing me.

"Tegan, it's ok. Tell me what happened," I closed my eyes. I could picture her sitting on the floor of her living room. Her laptop resting on the coffee table, work folders spread around her. I could see her fingers picking at her jeans, her eyebrows knit together in worry.

"Why did you let me leave?" I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. My fingers slipped around as the fresh tears spread. I wiped my wet nose on my sleeve. "You shouldn't have let me leave."

"Tegan," She sighed. I could hear the pain in her voice. She wanted to be close. I needed her to be close. I needed the touch of her hands. The scent of her hair. The feel of her lips. She was my drug and I needed her more than ever. "What's wrong?"

"I-I, I need you. I was talking to Lindsey. And, and. I just, Sara, I hurt. My heart hurts. I don't know what to do," I whimpered. I curled into a ball. My feet hung off of the edge of the couch. "I don't want to hurt either of you. I love you."

"Tegan, you won't hurt any body. I love you too," Her voice was calm. She had a quality about her that just made you want to melt into her. I bit my lip. My tears had slowed down to a steady crawl.

"I miss you," My voice was small. I stared straight ahead. I could hear her smile.

"I miss you too," Her voice brightened. She told me about the interview dates she was putting together for the magazine she worked at. She told me about a meeting she had the next day. I listened to her plans for the next week. I told her about the band that I would be meeting with in a few days. She listened intently as I explained what I was going to eat for dinner. I laughed at the kissing noises she made as I was about to hang up.

"I love you!" I heard her yell as I brought my phone down. I brought the phone back to my ear.

"I love you too," I grinned. I wiped away lingering tears from my cheek as I placed my phone on the floor beside the furniture I was occupying. I closed my eyes. I mulled over all of the thoughts in my mind. I thought about Sara. I thought about Lindsey. Their faces appeared in my mind. Slowly, they blended into one face as my thoughts trailed off. I fell into a peaceful sleep.

Sara

I stared at my phone. My mind mulled over the conversation I just had. Tegan was prone to letting her emotions take over her. She was emotionally weak. She relied on others to help her through what ever situation she was in.

I pushed my self up. I mindlessly slipped my shoes on. I didn't realize that I had stepped into the cool, Montreal, summer sun until I felt a sharp shoulder bump into my arm. I mumbled my apologies as I sulked into a nearby cafe. My order was short, a small espresso. I sat down at a bare table close to the register.

I had remembered telling Tegan about this cafe. It was small and family owned. They had the best cup cakes. They were vegan, but they were delicious. I gave a small smile to the young waiter as he set down the painted cup in front of me. I stared into the black drink as I pulled out my phone.

My eyes scrolled down the contacts list. I stopped on the one person I could talk to the most. The one person who, I didn't have to tell her anything, she just knew how I felt. The one person I knew I could always cry one person that believed in me the most. I put my phone to my ear.

"Hey mom?" I spoke into the receiver.

"Hey, Sara! What's going on?" The cheerful tune of my mother's words brought me to my feet. The thought of me never being able to tell my mother my deepest secret brought tears to my eyes. The thought of my mother knowing about the one thing that made me happy powered my legs to move. I ran out of that small, family owned bakery with tears running down my face and a heavy heart.

I hated the fact that Tegan had to go home. I hated the fact that she wasn't here to hold me as my powerful sobs moved my whole body. She wasn't there to run her hands down my back, the rub comforting circles in my hair, as I began to hyperventilate.

I needed Tegan there, yet I knew that she couldn't be there. I wanted to call her, but knowing of her mood status from earlier, I knew she was asleep. So, I cried to my mother over a forbidden love. She soothed me from her end, but her words weren't Tegan's words. They could never fully soothe me.

I clung to a photo of Tegan and I. It was from our twenty fifth birthday. I curled up into a ball on my couch. My phone rested on the floor as my feet hung slightly over the edge. Tears occasionally fell from my eyes as I stared at the wall in front of me. I sighed as my heart rate went back to normal. I slowly let the photo drop as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


	16. A Call to Marisol

**There, now your all caught up with mibba. : ) **

_If I were to get an emancipation from mom, would we still be twins?_ I smirked as I sent the message. I gingerly pushed my cart through the supermarket. I turned into the bread isle. My eyes briefly scanned all the assortments of sliced bread. White, wheat, raisin. There were so many choices. So many end results. I wheeled the cart to the white bread. All the different logos stared at me. The different colors blended together as I felt my phone vibrate.

_Are you fucking serious? That's one of the dumbest questions ever._I rolled my eyes. I threw a random loaf of bread into my cart and started walking. I paused by the milk. My eyes traveled between the gallon and half gallon cartons. I never bought full gallons any more, I mean, if it's just me, I don't want it to go bad. But I was at a good point in my life. I didn't feel alone. I felt like I was responsible enough to drink the whole gallon. Strong enough to drink it. I knew that if I was able to drink it all, I would be alright.

_Well, with all the naughty things I want to do to you in all the naughty places I fantasize about, if we get in trouble, it might be better if we weren't twins._ I sent it to her. I quickly grabbed a full gallon of milk and walked to the long line of registers. Of course, only three were open, even though it was five in the afternoon. More and more people were filing in by the second.

_Don't say those things if you're not here to take care of me. ; )_ The corners off my lips turned up.

"Sara!" I quickly exited out of the messages folder. My eyes searched for the source of my name. I smiled as Audrey ran towards me.

"Hello girl!" I picked the four year old up, squishing her in a bear hug. I looked up and saw Vivek standing in line a few registers away. Vivek had been the nicest person since I moved in a few blocks from him. He had helped me get accustomed to Montreal. Audrey was his only daughter. I often played babysitter when Vivek went out on a date. Audrey's mother died a year after she was born. I wiped her long dark hair from her face. My fingers tucked the strand behind her ear. "My, you're getting big!"

"So! I'm turning five in a week!" She giggled. I put her down on the floor as the line moved. I pushed the cart forward a bit.

"Really?" I let out a gasp. I poked her lightly in the chest. "You're getting old!"

"How old are you?" She tilted her head up to me.

"You're too precious!" I smiled down at her. She opened her mouth to speak. "I think your dad's calling you!"

A smile spread on my face as she skipped away. Her brown hair swayed as she jumped into her fathers arms. He waved at me before moving forward in line. I bit the inside of my cheek roughly. One of my most powerful dreams was to be a mother one. The thought of raising someone from their most vulnerable ages to their independence days, always made me smile. My smile turned to a frown as I thought about Tegan and I. We could never truly raise a child together. The thought began to bring me down as my phone began to ring.

*

I carried my computer into my dining room. I pulled open a new tab on my web browser. Absentmindedly, I signed into my email. I slowly got up, pulling a packet of oreos from one of my shopping bags. I pulled the milk from the fridge. I cradled my favorite mug as I slowly began to drink it.

My eyes scanned over the schedule my employers had sent me. They were flying me to LA to interview a young band. It was an all expenses paid trip, how could I deny it? I had heard a few songs by them, and they had great potential. I picked my phone up from where I had abandoned it earlier.

"Sara?" Lindsey's voice floated to me.

"Yeah," I opened the Styrofoam casing of the cookie treats. "I was wondering, since I have to go down to L.A. for a business trip, If you wanted to hang out?"

"Yeah! That'd be perfect!" The excitement in her voice made me smile as I began to dip the oreo cookies into my glass of milk.

As I hung up the phone, I refilled my cup of milk. I would be leaving the next night. Returning in two weeks. I almost signed off of my account when I saw that I had a new message. It was from Marisol, the girl Lindsey and Tegan had tried setting me up with. Curiously, I opened it. I smiled at the content. I waited a few minutes before picking up my phone.

"Hey, Marisol?" I smiled. "It's Sara."


	17. A Call From Tegan

**Do you like it? : )**

**I hope you do! **

My alarm blared through my sleepy haze. It's steady beeps bounced around my skull. Blindly, I bated at it, trying to silence it. Finally, I enveloped the new found silence by pulling the comforter up over my head. My eyes fluttered open as my phone began to vibrate. I peeked out form my comforter cocoon. I snaked my arm out, grabbing the phone. I pressed the send button and held it to my ear.

"Hello?" The scratchiness of my voice startled me. I cleared it once while rubbing my eyes with my free hand.

"Hey there sassafrass," Tegan's voice greeted me. It was deeper than normal. Husky. My mind began to whirl. A spinning sensation took me over. I closed my eyes.

"Hey Tegan," She chuckled softly.

"Are you busy?" Her voice was teasing. I squeezed my eyes tighter together.

"No," I buried my face into my pillow. I pressed my knees together. Tegan had the uncanny ability to drive a girl crazy with absolutely just her voice.

"Good," I was busy. I had to finish getting my luggage together and take care of the apartment before I left tomorrow at five in the morning. I had been neglecting to treat my OCD for the past couple of days. Thoughts of Tegan had been keeping me busy. My apartment was filthy, well, at least, to me it was. "I had this dream this past night. I woke up and I was just so hot and flustered."

"Hm?" I pressed the phone closer to my ear.

"I was thinking about calling Lindsey," I could hear her tongue rolling over her plump lips. "But the dream was about you. I didn't want to be doing **this** with her, but call out your name once I hit my orgasm. I won't have any of that."

"Oh, really?" My voice came out as a soft whine. The thought of Tegan dreaming naughtily about me set my skin on fire. The ache in my core was beginning to become too much to handle.

"Yeah," Hidden in the husky tone of Tegan's voice was a soft growl. "I dreamed I was this brilliant painter, and you had asked me to paint you. So, I was, and you were naked. You just looked, so amazing."

My voice escaped as a slight whimper. It was pathetic, the current state that I was in. Tegan kept talking.

"So, I dipped all of my fingers into all these different tubs of paint, and I ran my fingers across your tight stomach. I left a rainbow of stripes where my fingers were. All of a sudden, my hands touched every inch of your body. The paint got every where."

Her breath hitched. It increased an octave. "The slick paint moved our bodies against each others easily. Our feet slipped around the greasy floor. We held onto the couch as we made love to each other. Right there, right by the fire."

My muscles tensed up as I tried to keep the feelings away. I dug my face into the pillow as I let my desires take over. I felt every stroke Tegan felt, felt the burning sensation envelope me. I though of Tegan as I bit my lip. _Oh, gods_'s left my plump lips. I cried out along with Tegan. My hand gripped at the bed sheets under neath me.

"I love you!" Tegan cried out as the phone began to slip from my sweaty palms. Her expression of faith towards me sent goosebumps over my heated skin. I was still new to hearing the phrase from her lips. Every time she said it, my heart would swell and I would turn into a teenage mess.

"I love you, too," My voice was shaky as I rose from my bed. I hung up the phone as I, shakily, made my way to the bathroom. I didn't close the door behind me. Tears snaked through my half open lids as I turned the water on. My hands jerked the hot water tab all the way it could go as I slid my socks off. I winced as my bare feet touched the cold linoleum.

I brought my large shirt up and over my head. It fell the the floor as I pulled the sticky panties from my lower half. I shivered at the dirtiness I felt as I watched them limply slid from my pencil thin body.

I gasped as my body slid under the stinging spray of water. I ran my hands over the reddening skin on my thighs. Stream rose over the shower doors. In a matter of minutes, the mirror would be steamed to the maximum. Little droplets of water would begin to drip down it's length.

Never have I ever done something so personal, so forbidden in the presence in an other being. Whether it be in person, or over the phone. By beginning a relationship with my twin sister, I had reached a new chapter in my life. It was time for me to act in ways I never thought I would. Live life in ways I never thought I would. It was time for me to throw caution to the wind.

I ran the bar of soap over my red skin. Ran the shampoo through my hair. I turned the water to cold as I rinsed off. The water droplets created a tingling sensation as it ran through the cracks of my raw skin. My hands pulled the shower door back, revealing my frosted image in the steamed mirror. I slowly stepped out of the shower clutching a towel to my chest.

I used a corner to wipe the mirror. Bright hazel eyes stared back at me. They were my eyes. Tegan's eyes. They were clouded by thoughts. Rimmed in red. From tears, not the burning water. I gently patted myself dry. I began to hum as I walked into my bedroom. I let my towel fall as I stripped my bed of it's sheets.

*

I hoped onto the counter with a jar of peanut butter. I quickly unscrewed the top. I scooped up a chunk. A piece fell from my lips onto my naked thigh. I scooped it from the soft, just shaven skin. I frowned at myself. I was sitting on my counter. Naked. Eating straight from a jar of peanut butter.

I placed the jar next to me as I slid down. I pulled the fridge door open. I pulled out a loaf of bread. A peanut butter sandwich was always better than just plain peanut butter. I picked up the ingredients and a butter knife and dropped them on the couch in the living room. I wrapped myself in a thin blanket as I turned the television to one of the crappy reality shows that occupied most of the cable channels I had.

"This is the life," I muttered as I spread peanut butter over a single piece of bread. I took a big bite as I found my way back into the kitchen. I grabbed a large Sapporo from the fridge. Beer. Peanut butter sandwiches. Reality shows.

I snuggled into the couch as I grabbed my phone. I sent out a quick text to Tegan.

_Wish you were here... : / I love you_ I abandoned my phone as I went to pack my bags. My plane was leaving that night. I would be in L.A the next day. I would be visiting Lindsey and Marisol. I would push the thoughts of what I was doing to Lindsey away. I promised myself I would have a fine time. I smiled as I received Tegan's response.

_I miss you as well. You should come down soon. : ) I love you too. So much more than you know._


	18. A Selfish Indulgence

My knuckles rapped against the thick door. The two story house towered about me. It's white shutters were blinding. The sunflowers faced the hot Californian sun. Sweat formed on my brow. I cursed the long sleeve shirt I was wearing.

"It's June. Why are you wearing that?" The door swung open. Lindsey stood there, her hair pulled into a bun. Her bright red tank top stood out against her tanned skin.

"I didn't think it was going to get this hot," I shrugged as she let me into her picture perfect home. The aroma of apple pie met my nose. "Have you been baking?"

"No," She checked her phone. She dashed into the secluded kitchen. I followed close behind her. She reached over her counter blowing out a glade candle. She turned to me, her lips in a half smile. "It just needs to seem like I've been baking."

I laughed at her as she stuck the extinguished candle in a cupboard. She quickly opened a pie box. The bright, 'Freshly baked' sticker caught my eye. Her eyes lit up as she pulled the pie from the box.

"I fucking love costco!" Her voice was loud. It startled me. I watched her pull from a cabinet a cooling rack. The deep doorbell broke through the comfortable silence. Lindsey's eyes widened as she clutched the empty pie box. "Can you get that for me?"

I quickly answered the door. It swung heavily letting out a soft whine. My hazel eyes met with Marisol's dark chocolate ones. She smiled warmly at me. Her pale skin shone against the fiery red of her hair. She too was in a long sleeve shirt. "You dyed your hair."

"Yeah," She handed me one of the two bottles of wine she was holding. I forgot to move as she moved past me. Her hand brushed lightly against my hip.

"It looks nice. Really nice," My words came out rushed. I blushed as I shut the door. I turned to look at her. Her lips curled up.

"Thanks. You look good, too," Goosebumps erupted over my skin as her eyes scanned over my front. Our eyes locked as foot steps sounded from the kitchen.

"Marisol!" Slowly, she looked away at her cousin. Marisol smiled as she lifted her arms out to Lindsey. She encased her apron clad cousin in a tight hug. "I kept my promise!"

"You made me an apple pie?" Marisol's eyes lit up as the chatting kin moved on to the kitchen. I followed them slowly.

"Yep," Lindsey shot me a soft wink. I was startled as my phone began to vibrate. I pulled it out.

**1 New Message  
From:Tegan**

My finger pressed against the view now button.

_Marisol's going to ask you on a date._

I sent her a quick reply before taking a seat at the counter. Before me sat the apple pie. Marisol sent me a soft wink before slightly bending down to take a whiff of the baked good. She lightly sucked a piece of her button lip between her teeth.

"Smells good," She stood up straight. Her arms pushed her cleavage together as she stuck her chest out an inch. I was nervous as she shot me a lingering look before turning to the refrigerator. "What do you have to drink?"

Lindsey shrugged as she pulled out a frozen pizza from the freezer. "There's sodas in the fridge. There's also the wine you brought."

"I forgot about the wine," She turned swiftly. Her printed skirt fluttered about as she pushed up her sleeves. "You drink?"

She looked beyond her lashes to me. She was already pouring a third drink. "A little."

_Do what you want. If you want to go on the date, you can. I won't get mad._

Tegan's words buzzed around my mind. The night went on with mindless flirting. It was like a chain reaction. It would start once Lindsey left the room. Our lashes would bat, our tongues would snake out to run over our lips seductively. By the end of the night, she was hanging off of me. I didn't mind. This was the most attention I've gotten in a while. It was just what I needed.

"It's getting late," I mumbled as my eyes scanned the road in front of Lindsey's house. I looked over to Lindsey and Marisol. Marisol shrugged as she brought her glass up to take a drink of the sour liquid.

"I'll drive you to the hotel," I smiled at Lindsey as she got up. She turned to the front door. "Let me get my keys."

"Sara," I turned to the source of my name. Marisol's lips were curled up in a shy smile. "Would you like to possibly go on a date with me?"

"Yeah, why not?" I smiled slightly. She bit her lip gently.

"How about a movie tomorrow night?" She looked up to the stars. My gaze followed. "I could meet you at your hotel. I could get the information from you tomorrow afternoon."

"Sounds good," I was captivated by the night's over whelming beauty.

*

I stepped out onto the balcony of my hotel room. I had the most beautiful view of down town L.A. My eyes studied each star that covered the night sky. My eyes softened as I found Polaris. Suddenly, my phone began to vibrate. I answered it with a soft 'hello'.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I could hear the relaxation in Tegan's voice.

"I'm looking at the stars," I softly planted myself in one of the few weatherproof chairs.

"What a coincidence, me too," I heard Tegan chuckle softly. "Do you see Polaris?"

"Yes," My fingers pulled at the frayed knee of my jeans.

"You're looking my way," I chuckled at Tegan's corniness.

"You're a dork," I let my eyes close briefly. "I wish I was there with you."

"You are." Tegan's voice was suddenly serious. "You may not be physically, but you're in my thoughts. Right in my heart."

"Tegan," My voice was barely above a whisper.

"I talked to your boss," Tegan began. "I got him to get you a ticket from L.A to Vancouver and then from Vancouver to Montreal."

"Really?" My eyes snapped open. The thought of seeing Tegan again lifted my heart into my throat. "For how long am I there?"

"Two weeks," I could hear the smile in Tegan's voice.

"Tegan," My voice was weak.

"I love you," Her voice was soft. Loving.

I was able to let out my simple response before my tears took over my small frame.

"I love you, too."


	19. There's No Way You Can Lose Me

I sat in the warm soapy water. The cramped bathroom in the hotel I was staying in was oddly soothing to me at this time. I lightly bounced my hands on the surface if the water. The waves moved against me, tickling my skin sweetly.

I dried my left hand off as my right hand kept bouncing. I picked up my phone. My eyes flicked over the time as I dialed in my lover's number.

"Sara?" Tegan's tired voice filled my head. My lips lifted into a sweet smile as I pictured Tegan rubbing softly at her eyes. Her hair disheveled as she played with her labret.

"Hey, Tegan," I ran my free hand through my hair. I crossed my right leg over my left as I sunk my shoulders into the water.

"You're going on a date with Marisol," I heard the faraway trace of a sniffle.

"You said you were fine with it," I leaned forward opening the water spout. A fresh flow of hot water mixed in with the lukewarm water I had been soaking in. My muscles relaxed as my mind began to whirl.

"I was," I heard the rustle of clothing from her end. I heard a soft thud.

"You're not anymore," I rested my head against the edge of the tub. I pressed play on my ihome. Guitar chords bounced beautifully around the small room.

"I'm not," Tegan sniffled. "I'm worried."

"Of what?" I closed my eyes as Lucas' voice calmed me. "You're not going to loose me, Tegan. I love you."

"I know," Tegan let out an exasperated breath. "I don't want to share you."

"Well," My heart sank at her childish words. "I don't like the fact that I have to share you every day with Lindsey. I want you to myself, my own, but I suck it up anyways."

"Why?" Tegan's voice was angry. "Why haven't you told me to break up with Lindsey? Why are you letting me do this? Why don't you love me enough to fight for me?"

"Because you're happy. I don't want to ruin anything for you or for Lindsey," Tears of red hot anger began to seep from my eyes. "Don't you ever fucking say that I don't love you."

"But I'm not happy," I could hear the sobs shaking Tegan's body. "I need you. I need you to help guide me."

"Tegan."

"Sara."

"Break up with Lindsey," I lost all self control as I began to sob.


	20. I Can't Take It

I sighed as I fell onto the comfortable hotel mattress. Marisol would be here any second to pick me up. As the ticking from the wall clock filled the air, all I could think of was wimpy excuses that could possibly get me out of this date. None of them were concrete enough to ensure the night to myself, watching corny movies as I tried to fall asleep. My night could be full of mindless trips to the vending machines in the small alcove on the same hallway as the lobby. I could see myself shoving crinkled ones into the money slot. Being content with the simple strawberry pop tarts that I would then eat during even more late night movies. Maybe I would take a shower, maybe I wouldn't. It wouldn't matter. No one would be there to see me. I would be alone.

Oh, what a soothing thought. I was not in the mood for company. Well, I was, just not for the company that would destroy me slowly. Thoughts of a sobbing Tegan teared my mind apart as she thought about the date I was on. Thinking about what I was doing to our relationship. Did she know I would be thinking about the same? Was this really a good idea? I knew it was selfish. I didn't need to go on this date. I was devoted to Tegan.

Then why was I on this date? Why did I say yes? Did I honestly think that this dinner would be an innocent gathering of two friends? I didn't know why I was going on this date. I'm not positive why I said yes. I had thought it was a good idea yesterday. I realize today, that it is not.

I walk down the hallway outside of my room slowly. I grasped the handle of the door that would open to the 'sunny' stair case, which, would lead me to the first floor. As I opened the door, the bright sunlight hit my eyes. The large window across from me gave me a view of the swimming pool. A few kids were sitting in the cool water, splashing around. Older woman sat at the tables drinking the $1.25 soda's the hotel served.

I turned the corner into the lobby. My eyes rested upon Marisol. She smiled up at me as I walked over to her. She stood up as I reached her. My heart broke as I hugged her softly.

"Are you ready to go?" She smiled warmly at me. I tried to push Tegan to the back of my mind. She wasn't going with out a fight.

"Yeah," I tried to smile as my heart began to beat heavily. I followed her into the parking lot. I noiselessly climbed into the passenger seat of her black sedan. "Did you drive all the way from Texas?"

"Yeah," She shrugged as I furrowed my eyebrows at her.

"Why?" I buckled my seat belt as she chuckled faintly.

"My room mate wanted to see L.A, and I hadn't seen Lindsey in a while," She turned down the radio as we left the parking lot.

"Why drive though?" I could not fathom why anybody would want to drive such a long distance, even with company.

"I don't know," She pulled out a piece of paper from it's home, in the secret compartment under the radio. Messy scrawl filled the paper. "The gas was cheaper than a train ticket. So, I decided, why not drive?"

She handed the paper to me. I instantly recognized it as hand written directions. "Wasn't it boring"

"Nah. Nicole, my room mate, and I listened to the Glee soundtracks the whole way. It was fun," She merged into the next lane carefully as if there was precious cargo on board. "Here, tell me where to turn. I'm coming up on Fifth Ave."

"Oh, your gonna turn left on Leland. It's going to be after this street," I crossed my legs, my foot rested against the side door. "What movie are we going to watch?"

"I'm not sure," She accelerated, catching the street light at yellow. She made it to the other side just in time. "I thought that we could decide once we got there."

"Sounds good to me," I fiddled with my shoelace. For some reason, I felt nervous. Of what? I'm not sure. "Turn right onto 10th."

*

"That movie was cheesy," I switched the grip I had on my ice cream. I kicked at the bench of the picnic table. I hoped onto the table top sitting down lightly. Marisol followed my action. We stared out over the empty park. The stars were shining far above us.

"It was," Her lips wrapped around her pink spoon. She set down her ice cream cup. "Look, Sara."

I chewed on the plastic spoon as Marisol turned to me. As I looked into her eyes, I knew what she was going to say. I began to shake my head. "Don't say it."

"Why not?" Her teeth worked at her lip gently.

"Because I can't take it," Tears began to sting in my eyes.

"Fine," She turned away from me.

"Can you take me back to the hotel?" I was dangerously close to tears. Marisol looked to me.

"Yeah," She hopped off the table. "Let's go."

*

I stared at the vending machine in front of me. I fiddled with the change in my hand. Chocolate or sugar? I looked between the skittles and the only packet of M&M's left. I caved and bought both. I began the dull walk back to my hotel room.

I lightly closed the door behind me. I turned the television to one of the late night reality t.v. shows. I zoned out as two girls began to fight. I picked up my phone, my mind only on one thing.

"Tegan," I spoke as she answered. "I am so fucking sorry. I-"

"Sara," Tegan was in tears. "I broke up with Lindsey."


	21. A Taste of the Damage That I Have Caused

I sat in front of a sobbing Lindsey. Her short hair was pulled back, her make up smeared. I didn't know what to do. Did I hug her? Did I rub her back? If I touched her, would my thoughts transfer to her head? Letting her know of the part I had to do with her and Tegan's break up, could that really happen?

"Lindsey," I got up from my seat, walking around the table slowly. I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her into me. "It's ok. Shhh."

She clung to my shirt, burying her face in the soft fabric. I pulled the chair next to her closer to hers. I rubbed her back as she pressed her nose into me. Her shaking body moved mine. "I don't know what I did wrong."

"I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong," I began to draw circles along her back with my fingertips. I felt her hurt begin to seep into my heart.

"Then, why did she leave?" She pulled away from me. I shouldn't have told Tegan to break up with her. She wiped her tears away with shaky hands. She gnawed at her bottom lip as another set of tears collected in the corner of her eyes. She sat slumped in her seat. Defeated.

"I don't know," I got up. I walked over to her coffee pot. I poured us each a cup. I kept my back to her for a few more minutes, trying to recollect myself. "You really do love her, don't you?"

I placed her cup in front of her. She pushed it away. "More than anything in the world. I have to go lay down."

I watched her get up and slowly make her way to her room. I began to cry as her sobs reached me. I heard her turn on the shower, her sobs still audible. I placed my head in my hands, wondering why I did this all. I was ruining every one's lives around me. Tegan had chased Lindsey for four years. Four fucking years. I could only imagine how Tegan felt at the moment. If she didn't really love her, she wouldn't have chased her. She wouldn't have tried so hard to be hers.

As I left Lindsey's house, only one thing repeated in my head. How could I have done that? How?


	22. A Polish Engagement

My eyes wandered past all the people in the crowded airport terminal. I pulled at my left sleeve. I swiftly pushed it up my arm. The light fabric bunched up at my shoulder. I winced as someone pushed past me roughly. I stopped walking as my duffel bag fell from my shoulder. I hugged it against my flat chest.

Everyone moved past me quickly. No one bumped into me. I felt myself sway a bit. I looked down at my feet. The movements of the beings around me buzzed in my peripheral vision. It felt like I was at the coast. The movement of the water retracting from around my ankles made me sway. When I was younger, I was always afraid of being swept out deep into the sea. Tegan didn't help that fear. She told me it was possible. After that, I always dug my toes deep into the sand, even after I realized that there was no way that the water could sweep my body mass out far.

I stood on my toes trying to see over everyone's heads. I frowned as I pulled my phone from my pocket. I paused my dialing as I felt someone brush their shoulder against mine softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry beautiful," I grinned as I turned to face her. I threw my arms around her. My bag landed of the floor with a soft plop.

"I missed you," I pressed a quick kiss onto her cheek.

"I missed you too, Polaris," She threaded her arm through mine as she pulled away from me.

~

I sat across from Tegan in the small cafe. We were in a secluded booth, an alcove in the brick wall. My fingers lightly twirled around the brim of my small espresso.

"You lost weight," Tegan's eyes skimmed over what of my body that wasn't covered by the table.

"Yeah," I shrugged as a waitress fluttered to our table as if propelled by a strong breeze, like a butterfly. She kept glancing at a space behind her.

"Milk?" Her accent stood out. Northern European. I leaned out of the alcove to look behind her. A man was staring at her holding a small velvet box in his hand. Next to his table was a young mother trying to calm down her kids. I winced as the oldest sent a mosaic vase to the floor.

"No thanks," Tegan responded to her question a bit late. My eyes traveled from the box to the waitress' eyes. Tegan raised her eyebrows at me. 'Watch' I mouthed back to her.

"Emilia," The man called out. His accent sounded similar to hers. Maybe it was Polish.

"Evan," She set the milk on our table as she turned to face 'Evan'.

"Will you marry me?" His eyes were wide, glazed over, hopeful. Emilia let out a sob as she ran to him. They collided in a hug. Love filled the air as they exchanged sweet kisses. I finished my drink as Tegan poured her hot cocoa into one of the plastic cups that another waitress had left at our table.

"Let's talk at the book store down the street," I suggested. Tegan nodded as she slid out of the booth.


	23. All I Want Is Your Hand

"Tegan," I settled on the floor of the bookstore. My back pressed against the bookshelves. I reached up and grabbed her hand softly. I pulled her down next to me. I sighed as she settled. "I love you, so much. I **hate** that we have to hide this."

"I love you too," Tegan played with my hand. I let myself relax as my eyes settled on her face. She bit her lip lightly. "You know, if I could, I would ask you to marry me."

"And, if I could, I would say yes," I blushed as I looked away. My eyes settled on a travel book. "Tegan, I want to so bad. It hurts. I wish you didn't live so far away."

"I know, Sara. I know," Tegan placed her hot chocolate in between us. I placed my head on her shoulder as the frustration and anger I felt began to surface. Hot tears stung at my eyes.

"I hate that society frowns upon us. I just want it to be normal," The tears began to slid down my cheek.

"Sar-" Tegan was interrupted by the sound of two voices floating down an adjacent walkway.

"It'll only take me a few minutes. I just want to find it before we go," The footsteps were getting louder. Tegan picked up her drink, settling it in her lap. I picked a book from the shelf across from me. It was a book on Portugal. I flipped through it.

"You don't need it. You used to live there," The second voice was clear. I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes.

"Yeah, but you-" The man stopped talking once he spotted us. His eyes settled on my red rimmed ones. He looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry."

He grabbed at, what I could only assume was his girlfriend's, hand. He quickly scanned the bookshelf in front of me. He grabbed a book and quickly walked away, pulling his girlfriend with him. My eyes focused on their interlocked hands. I burst into tears as they turned the corner.

"That's what I want," I managed to get out between broken sobs.

"I know, Sara-bear," My tears began to slow down as Tegan rocked me back and forth.


	24. Nirvana

**I'm not very happy with how this turned out. I rushed a lot of it, but it is an update. I hope you like it. : )**

**

* * *

**

"Sara?" My attention was drawn away from my book.

"Yes?" I called back to Tegan. I marked the page I was on, nothing annoyed me more than spending so much unnecessary time to find the page I was last on. I placed the book on the open space of the couch next to me. The distant sound of water splashing filled my ears.

"Come keep me company," I chuckled at the whiny tone Tegan said those words in. She sounded just like an impatient five year old. I pushed myself off the couch with my weak arms. Her voice echoed in my mind as I slowly made my way down the hallway. A chill crawled up my spine as I stopped in the doorway into the bathroom.

The soft aroma of the few burning candles lightly filled my nose. Her head rested on the end of the bathtub. Her hands were clasped together, her arms reaching behind her head. The joints in her back popped lightly as her chest inched up towards the top of the water. Her shoulders were glistening with soap bubbles. She sighed as she relaxed, her body settling back into the water.

I cleared my throat as I fully stepped into the warm room. She smiled as I sat on the toilet. I slightly reached forward, I felt Tegan's eyes traveling down my face into the view my v-neck was showing. I dipped my fingers into the water. I jumped at its temperature, steaming. Tegan's fingers caught mine. She leaned forward, kissing my hand gently. I placed my other hand on her soft cheek. I slowly slid off the toilet, crawling over to where her head was.

"I love you," Tegan murmured. She turned her head, placing soft kisses that tickled in the inside of my palm.

"I love you, too," I rolled my jeans up, past my knees. I motioned for her to lean forward. Quickly, I slid behind her head, sitting on the edge of the tub, my back against the wall. I soaked the edges of my jeans. Tegan leaned back into me. She rubbed her cheek against the inside of my right thigh. Her hand encircled my right ankle. I placed a loving kiss against her head. Her hair tickled my nose.

"You know," Tegan's hand slid down my foot rubbing my heel. "Breaking up with Lindsey was hard. I didn't think I would be able to do it."

I was silent as Tegan took a breath. I dipped my hands into the water, the water dripped onto Tegan's head. I traced my fingers down the path of her neck. I rubbed her shoulders lightly. Tegan moaned at the massage. "It was hard, but I'm glad I did it. I couldn't lie to her anymore. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I couldn't lie to you anymore."

She turned around, my hands fell into my lap. A smile played on the ends of my lips. She reached up, her fingers tracing the bones in my knees. I lifted my foot out of the water, never breaking our eye contact. Tegan's lips found my ankle. My head fell back as she trailed hot kisses up my leg. She stopped once she got to my knee.

"Sara," Tegan pulled lightly on my legs, I slowly fell into the water. My clothes clung to me as they soaked through. The warm water raised the skin on my arms and legs. "I don't want to loose you."

I kissed her lightly. I pushed her gently against the opposite end of the tub.

"Honey, you can't. I'm yours," I moaned into her lips as she wrapped her arms around me.

"You make me so happy," Tegan pulled at my shirt. I quickly discarded it. "So fucking happy."

"Oh, Teegles, I know," My lips found her neck. My hands snaked up gripping the tub on each side of her head.

**Tegan's POV**

My neck tingled where Sara's lips had been. Her kisses were gentle, her eyes full of desire. I gripped the sides of the tub as I slid my body down, taking Sara with me. I took a gasp of breath before we slipped under the water. I gripped onto her belt loops as our tongues battled. In seconds, we were back above the water, gasping for air. In minutes, the rest of Sara's water heavy clothes were thrown over the edge of the tub.

Her hands were gentle along my skin. Her kisses soft, tickling. Her eyes radiated love, love stronger than the rays of the sun. She lifted my leg over the edge of the tub. I burned at how straight forward she was being. Her breath ghosted over the pale skin of my stomach. Her warm tongue trailed down the skin slowly until it reached me.

Her cheek was pressed against mine. Her lips were in my ear, whispering soft phrases. Her soft scent was filling my nose. Her caring eyes searching mine, looking into my soul. Her lips tasted better than the richest chocolate. I could feel her in me. Sara took me past my preferred cloud nine into a perfect state of nirvana. A place where nothing mattered, nothing bothered me. All my thoughts were washed away. The only thing I heard were the faint moans coming from my body. In this state, Sara and I being twins didn't matter. It was the perfect place. I wanted Sara to travel to this place with me.

As I began to calm down, my body fully relaxing, I decided of my plans. Later that night, after some research, I would tell her of my thoughts. I would wait until all the stars were out. I would kiss Sara in the perfect way. Get her begging for more. Then, after I had erased all coherence from her frail body, I would lay the news on her. Hopefully, she would be as excited as I was.


	25. Music Box

My eyes opened slowly as I felt movement by me. I smiled as Tegan pressed her lips against my bare shoulder. Last night's events still played vibrantly through my mind.

"Sara," Her breath was warm against my cool skin. "Good morning baby."

"Good morning T-Bird," I wrapped my arms around her awkwardly. My heart skipped a beat as she leaned into me.

"It's a very good morning," I giggled as Tegan's teeth gently enclosed on my earlobe. Her fingers lightly dug into the sensitive flesh beneath my rib cage. A breathy chuckle escaped me.

"Teee-gan," I drew out her name as my fingers trapped hers, halting her tickle assaults. I whimpered lightly as her lips left my ear. She smiled warmly at me, her eyes beckoning me closer. I leaned in, my lips feather light over hers. They ghosted over her cheeks before resting on her forehead. She pressed into me. I sighed in contentment as I nestled down into her.

"I've got to run a few errands today," Tegan brought one of my hands to her mouth. Even as she let my hand fall, I could still fill her lips on the sensitive flesh. Tegan knew that was one of my few weaknesses. It delighted me. "But you can't come with me. I have a surprise for you."

I opened my mouth to complain. I was cut off quickly.

"I know that you are not a big fan of surprises," Tegan sat up slowly. Her legs spread underneath the thin sheets. She pulled me into the newly opened space. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around her waist. Her hands rested on my thighs gently. She kissed me deeply, her tongue tracing mine. She pulled away, her lips just an inch from mine. "But, I'm positive you'll like this one. I just need to purchase a few items, make a few calls and meet with a client."

"How long will you be?" I moved my hands up, resting them on her slender shoulders. I squeezed gently, my fingers dug into her skin.

"I don't know. A few hours at the least," Tegan's hands fluttered about my hair, braiding a chunk of it.

"I need a haircut," I frowned. My hair had gotten too long for my liking.

"I like it," Tegan's smile was big, her eyes bright. She pulled on it lightly. "I know you like it when I pull your hair."

"Tegan," I giggled as I pushed her down. She looked up at me. I sat back on her thighs my hands resting lightly on her stomach.

"Well, it's true," Tegan's hands crept over mine. I sighed as they traveled up my arms, down my back. She smirked up at me. "You also like it rough."

"Oh, shut up," I bent down, leaving a kiss on her awaiting lips. She threaded her fingers in mine, bringing them over our heads.

"You love me," Her nose rubbed against my cheek. I let all my weight fall on her. I shook my head lightly. I mouthed a silent 'nope'. She chuckled softly.

"Sure," Tegan's voice was light, teasing. I blushed as she whispered a soft 'I love you' in my ear.

"I love you too," I sighed as Tegan's hands seized my waist, rolling us over so she was on top.

"Mom called last night," I moaned as Tegan's lips trailed down my neck. Her words slipped out in between kisses.

"Oh?" I sighed as I buried my face in her neck. Tegan's scent filled my nose sending me into a light headed state.

"Yeah," Her hands traveled down my back, resting lightly on my hips. "She wants to hang out with you. You'll have something to do while I'm away."

"Ok," I slowly drifted back to sleep. "Just, don't be long."

* * *

"Let's look in here," I chuckled at my mother's enthusiastic tone. I followed my mother into the antiques store. The stale air clouded my nose and tickled my tongue. I winced at it.

"Good evening ladies," I was startled by the voice of an old man. Instinctively, both my mother and I turned towards the voice. I shivered as the man's cold gray eyes traveled slowly over my body. I looked over to my mom, she raised her eyebrows at him. "Are you guys looking for anything specific?"

"No," Her voice was cold as she gave him a hard look. She protectively stepped in front of me, shielding me from him. "If we need help, we'll be sure to let you know."

My mother's shoulders didn't relax as the man walked away. As if he was a predator and I was her small bear cub, still new to this world. Even as my mother turned and began her descant down an aisle, her shoulder's still stood squarely, ready for a fight. I quickly followed her.

"He's so creepy," My mom whispered to me. I reached out letting my finger tips grace the random trinkets covering the shelves. I zoned my mother's voice out as my fingers curled around a small brassy music box. It's rustic hue shone brightly in the dim light. I remembered the nights, when Tegan and I were younger, that we would spend at our Grandparent's house, our second home.

Each night that we spent there, out Grandparents would always tuck us in at night. My Grandpa sat on the end of the large bed, his hand constantly turning the little lever to a brass music box. My Grandmother always sang along to the twinkling melody, Tegan and I mouthing the words. It was memories like this, where we all had smiles on our faces, that were my favorite memories.

I gripped onto the music box, walking towards the front of the store. I stood at the register waiting for some one to come. My mind danced around the idea of ringing the small bell that lay on the desk. 'If no one comes in two minutes, I'll ring it.' When Tegan and I were younger, we would always fight over who ran the bell to signal to a worker that we were ready to be rung up. My mother always referred our fights, making sure we took turns. She was always trying to make things fair between us.

I was disappointed as the old man made his way to the cash register. He rang up the item, his eyes rarely leaving me. I placed the money on the counter, I didn't want to risk him accidentally touching me. I turned around, holding my bagged item tightly. I jumped, my mother stood a foot in front of me. I hadn't heard her walk up.

"Hold on, Sara," She held up a finger to me. Her eyes were focused on the man behind the counter. "Listen, mister, I saw the way you were looking at my daughter. It was creepy, we were both uncomfortable."

I zoned out while my mom lectured him on respecting women, all I could think about was how to present Tegan with what I had bought her. I followed her out of the store.

"Thanks," I nudged my mom as we walked down the street.

"No problem, hunny. I'm your mother, I'm hear to protect you from all the horrors in the world," She smiled warmly at me. Her words comforted me, but I doubted she could protect me from everything.

* * *

"Hey," Tegan murmured as she pulled me against her, into her apartment. She placed a soft kiss below my ear. I melted against her, letting my shopping bags fall to the floor. I softly kicked the door closed.

"I missed you," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around her.

"I missed you too," Tegan's hands traveled up my back, tangling in my hair. Her lips landed on my forehead. I smiled as she sprinkled kisses across my cheeks ending with a kiss to my lips. I moaned into her embrace, I deepened the kiss. Our tongues danced sloppily to a quiet melody.

Her hands smoothed over my back, resting on my jeans. I moaned into her as I wrapped an arm around her neck, bringing my self even closer to her. My right hand sneaked in between us, fumbling over the buttons of her shirt. I grabbed a fistful of her shirt when she pulled away slightly, her lips at my hair, her hands at the front of my jeans. I helped her slide them off of my thin legs.

Her hands gripped at my knees, pulling at them slightly. I jumped up slightly, wrapping my legs around her. She held me up as she pushed me against the nearest wall.

"Do we have time before dinner's ready?" My words were overpowered by a loud moan.

"Yes," Tegan's teeth pulled at my neck. She pulled me away from the wall, walking me into the living room. She plopped me down onto the large coffee table. I scooted back as she crawled on.

"Oh," I gasped as her hands slipped underneath my shirt, pulling it slowly over my head. Her head dipped, placing gentle kisses over each of my rib bones. I closed my eyes as Tegan led me to a place sweater than heaven.


End file.
